Cancer – Day Thirty-One

April 14, 2011

Sleep was good last night. Although I woke at 4 am, it was a natural awakening rather than waking from choking or pain.  I felt like I finally got a real night’s sleep.  My alarm was set for 7 am to make sure I was up in time to take Noelle to school.  This was my choice; I’m trying to get some normality back into my life before the radiation treatment consumes me and I’ll have no choice in the matter.

By 10 am I already drank 24 ounces of the instant breakfast.  Strawberry is my favorite but unfortunately it only comes in the variety pack, and only two in the pack of six.  I think I’m going to get it from Amazon because Brandon found it there and I can get it all by itself.

I’ve been on a little bit of a “poor me” kick today. Just thinking about what is coming down the road with the radiation, and what the doctors are telling me that I will be going through, has made me want to be as normal as possible right now.

I can’t even eat, so that part of normal is totally gone.  This means I will do other things I consider normal like taking Noelle to school, going into the office for a meeting (they don’t really need me but it was nice to be invited),  taking short drives, watching movies, hanging with my family, etc.

So poor me doesn’t want the feeding tube put in even though my doctors are still telling me that I need it.  I won’t budge on this one.  The thought of having that in me makes me feel queasy.  I’m sure I’m just being a wimp but I don’t care.  My goal before the radiation treatment starts is to be able to get my little sports car out for a nice long drive down the coast on Highway 1.  After that they can do whatever they want to me whenever they want.

Lynnanne says I’m going to give her a heart attack if I take this drive, but is willing to let me do it. Of course she wants someone to go with me, but I prefer to do it alone because this will be my last little bit of independence for quite some time.

I invite your thoughts and opinions on this subject.

As you may know if you have been following my blog, I saw Dr. Ashish Chawala, my Gastroenterologist today.  He is the best doctor on the planet if you ask me. Very nice and very concerned that all goes well with me (he even gave me a hug).  I voiced my concerns about having the feeding tube inserted early because I wanted to take this drive.

He said if it was okay with the boss (Lynnanne) then it was okay with him.  We settled on May 3 to have the feeding tube put in.  By my estimates, because I don’t know the actual start date, I am guessing radiation will start May 9.  This gives me a full week to get used to the feeding tube.

The radiation simulation appointment is April 26 and a dentist appointment for fluoride trays is April 28. Since I prefer to drive on a weekday down the coast, I have the option of either Wednesday the 27th or Friday the 29th.  Friday is too close to the weekend, so the 27th it is. It’s settled, I’m going.

Thank you for your continued prayers.

Today’s verse (talking about wisdom, but I prefer to think God had my wife in mind with this one):

She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. – Proverbs 3:15

7 Responses to Cancer – Day Thirty-One

  1. Cathy says:

    Lynnie may shoot me for saying this, but I’m glad you’re going to do your drive. I totally get it. Put the top down!

  2. Lynnanne says:

    No, I won’t shoot you Cath! But Charles DID leave out the part that Dr. Chawal (ditto, best doc ever!) also said it was unwise for Charles to do such a long drive ALONE. He told him to go for it if the “boss” (me ) says it’s okay, WITH a friend!!
    Stubborn husband is insisting on wanting to do a more than 6 hour drive alone!! I’m afraid he’s going to overdo it and get himself into a situation where he can’t get home by himself, or at least without it being dangerous.

    • Ok, so I have selective hearing. I can do this drive and alone my love, without any problems. I have done much longer drives than this in the past without any trouble. True the conditions are different now, but I feel that by the 27th, I’ll be much stronger. If not, I’ll stay home. Promise.
      Love you babe!

  3. Bruce says:

    What a wonderful lesson you are teaching! Your story has grabbed me and has shaken me. I went through surgery in 2007 after 7 months od denial that I had prostate cancer. As you have already expressed, there is quick a shock when told by the doctor that you have cancer. Well, I had the robotic surgery and all of the bad boy was removed, with nor reoccurence since. I have had lots of prayer warriors, like you. I also have a wife who was annointed for my life here on earth. Thank you for lessons on how to treat your loved ones!

    You may not be Catholic, Charles, but you have the potential! God be with you…

    • I had no idea you were a cancer survivor. I am so thankful to God that you did survive are cancer free now! There are so many emotions I am experiencing right now but last night was a low point. I did not honor my wife as I should. As a matter of fact, I blew up at her for getting me the wrong kind of drink at the store. She is such a blessing to me and I hurt her by making her feel she couldn’t do anything right. I forget that she is also going through this cancer with me and I need to remember that she is my best friend through all of this.

      God Bless you my friend. I’m not sure about what it means to be Catholic myself, but I’m sure you and I will be neighbors in heaven.

  4. Diane says:

    Dear Charles,

    I’m weighing in too. I too think you should go on the drive, but have a couple of reservations. One being Stevie. I think it is important that she be comfortable with it. I understnd your desire to be alone, but perhaps both Stevie and Lynnanne would be more comfortable if they knew you had someone with you. This is their journey too, not in the same way as it is for you, but their hearts follow you now more than ever. Be kind to their hearts and do all you can to keep them free of undo worry. Is there someplace less distant which might give you the same pleasure? If not, may all of you be blessed by your safe and peaceful journey.

    Love, Diane

    • Diane,
      Thank you for your thoughts on this. I am definitely not going to do the drive if I think it will put me at risk or place undo stress on Lynnanne and/or Stevie. I do sometimes forget that they are part of this journey. As a matter of fact that is the subject of today’s blog that I’ll be writing a little later.
      Love you!

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