April 14, 2011
Sleep was good last night. Although I woke at 4 am, it was a natural awakening rather than waking from choking or pain. I felt like I finally got a real night’s sleep. My alarm was set for 7 am to make sure I was up in time to take Noelle to school. This was my choice; I’m trying to get some normality back into my life before the radiation treatment consumes me and I’ll have no choice in the matter.
By 10 am I already drank 24 ounces of the instant breakfast. Strawberry is my favorite but unfortunately it only comes in the variety pack, and only two in the pack of six. I think I’m going to get it from Amazon because Brandon found it there and I can get it all by itself.
I’ve been on a little bit of a “poor me” kick today. Just thinking about what is coming down the road with the radiation, and what the doctors are telling me that I will be going through, has made me want to be as normal as possible right now.
I can’t even eat, so that part of normal is totally gone. This means I will do other things I consider normal like taking Noelle to school, going into the office for a meeting (they don’t really need me but it was nice to be invited), taking short drives, watching movies, hanging with my family, etc.
So poor me doesn’t want the feeding tube put in even though my doctors are still telling me that I need it. I won’t budge on this one. The thought of having that in me makes me feel queasy. I’m sure I’m just being a wimp but I don’t care. My goal before the radiation treatment starts is to be able to get my little sports car out for a nice long drive down the coast on Highway 1. After that they can do whatever they want to me whenever they want.
Lynnanne says I’m going to give her a heart attack if I take this drive, but is willing to let me do it. Of course she wants someone to go with me, but I prefer to do it alone because this will be my last little bit of independence for quite some time.
I invite your thoughts and opinions on this subject.
As you may know if you have been following my blog, I saw Dr. Ashish Chawala, my Gastroenterologist today. He is the best doctor on the planet if you ask me. Very nice and very concerned that all goes well with me (he even gave me a hug). I voiced my concerns about having the feeding tube inserted early because I wanted to take this drive.
He said if it was okay with the boss (Lynnanne) then it was okay with him. We settled on May 3 to have the feeding tube put in. By my estimates, because I don’t know the actual start date, I am guessing radiation will start May 9. This gives me a full week to get used to the feeding tube.
The radiation simulation appointment is April 26 and a dentist appointment for fluoride trays is April 28. Since I prefer to drive on a weekday down the coast, I have the option of either Wednesday the 27th or Friday the 29th. Friday is too close to the weekend, so the 27th it is. It’s settled, I’m going.
Thank you for your continued prayers.
Today’s verse (talking about wisdom, but I prefer to think God had my wife in mind with this one):
She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. – Proverbs 3:15